I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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