Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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