Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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