i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
