My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
