We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
