man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
