I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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