you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
