I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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