I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
