I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
