Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
