Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
