this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
