he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
