Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
