i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
