The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
