i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
