I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
