at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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