last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
