I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Randomize
