So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
