if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i was born a porn star she said
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
