He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
someone owes me an orgasm
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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