When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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