yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
