Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
