About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
