What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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