He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
