I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
