no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
