Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
