I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
