I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
