i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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