Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
