what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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