she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
this just has baby written all over it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
