I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
