Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
