Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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