Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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