i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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