My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
