Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
