I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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